Yelling is your problem

​There are only 2 issues where I raise my voice.

• Safety issues (Kids playing with a sharp object)
• Bullying

 
About five years into teaching I found myself “burning out” and getting upset with the behavior of my students. I was giving several detentions daily, often raising my voice and was on the verge of cursing on a couple occasions. Though I would never condone a teacher “losing it” in the classroom, I can definitely understand how it can happen.
 
I felt I could not sustain the kind of energy I was expending on a daily basis. Though I am not sure where the idea came from, I know I chose to complete that year by doing all I could to not raise my voice. This was in the fall, so I knew it would be a challenge. I did everything I could to avoid it; that forced me to change my approach and lead to much that is contained herein.
 
One thing I did was I began to sit with my students as they worked and learn a bit about what they were doing and thinking, thereby making some valuable one-on-one connections.
 
Then I remembered the thing about “I” statements from a therapy class I took in college. That an “I” statement helps deflate situations and that “You” statements tend to exacerbate them. For instance: “Why can’t you stay in your seat!” versus “Tommy, I would really appreciate it if you would remain in your seat.” The tonal difference is clear but it is also clear that the “I” statement may feel unnatural or alien. This does take practice.
 
If the behavior continues, then another more detailed connection needs to be made. This will take a bit of thought and practice. “Tommy, I can see you really have a lot of energy and it is difficult to stay in your seat. I know it may seem silly to have to do it, but when you walk around it is distracting to the students and even I have a hard time concentrating because I am worrying about what you are going to do. I also worry that maybe I am not being a good teacher because I can’t seem to help you listen. What can we do together to make this better?” After considering seat changes, and all the normal approaches to this behavior, think about a reward for sitting, maybe a little private extra credit, every day in the seat is an additional point on the next test? You really need to stretch your creative muscles to make this work but it can be done and the result is that the student now sympathizes, their behavior becomes more compliant, and they are more likely to listen to your directions in the future because they feel you care.
 
All students and you will benefit from rewarding good behavior and praise now and again. During your class closure, you can make a statement about the overall behavior when it is good. Pass little notes to students who are usually troublesome that say, “Thank you for staying in your seat, I really appreciate it!” Little notes like these are like little surprises. Maybe stock up on little “thank you” stationary from the dollar store. You can even slip in a little chocolate or some fun stickers.
 
The big idea here is to speak to kids as you would like to be spoken to and reward good behavior as often, or MORE often than you address bad behavior.
 
If you find you are unable to keep your cool, or that a particular student very easily “pushes your buttons,” look within. There is an interesting psychological term called counter-transference. Simply put, it is when you react to others unknowingly because they express feelings and emotions you suppress in yourself. Review your interactions to be sure this is not part of them.
 
If the “needy” kid gets on your nerves, look to your own “neediness” and see if there is some truth to this and possibly the root of your losing your cool. Often identifying the root issue can solve the problem.