How does one not “be real”? By talking down to or at students, by not staying current with their interests, by loosing your cool, or by being too “cold.”
This is a real balancing act and at first may seem to conflict with #8 (previous post) to be emotionally detached. If you address students as if they were people like yourself, it may be helpful in letting them sympathize with you and vise-versa. Ask yourself, how would you like to be spoken to? How would you like your supervisor to react to your mistakes or misunderstandings? How would you expect your colleague to approach you if they had a problem with something you did? By treating students with the same respect you demand of others, you will earn their respect and you will be giving them a living example to help form their own patterns of behavior.
If you go into teaching thinking that you are only here to teach your content area, you will be very frustrated and disappointed. Much of what teaching is, is modeling and teaching appropriate behavior. I am often still surprised by student behavior—like at a concert where students continue to chat while others are singing for them. They need to be told what one should and should not do at a concert/theatre. Sometimes you need to make connections for them. You can say, “This is like going to church or a movie, you need to remain quiet for the performer.” Additionally you should connect with their emotional side by adding something like “Imagine if you were on stage and worked for months to prepare for this presentation but people talked over you. How would that make you feel?”
This last part is where you will find the most effective use of communication to change behavior. Children are emotional people. They react often based on their feelings without considering the possible ramifications of that behavior. It’s also why we do not apply the death sentence to smaller children as they have less capacity to understand fully the consequences of their behavior. There is evidence that the human brain does not fully develop these abilities until the age of 25.
Understanding this lack of development can help you remain calm when these issues arise. It is simply the nature of children, not a willful negligence or ignorance. It should not surprise you that this behavior does not disappear after one incident. Appropriate behavior needs to be modeled again and again, and if the consequences or reactions to such behavior is consistent, learning takes place.
Let’s take the example of my student teacher “C.R.” Two boys in class were having an inappropriate conversation of a sexual nature. She rightly addressed it and told them to stop. She had to do so a few times and noted that the behavior was inappropriate.
My advice to her was to take the students into the hallway and personalize their behavior. I told her to say to them, “Guys, I know you’re just joking around, but when you speak like that it makes me feel uncomfortable as a woman. I am sure that was not what you meant to do, but it is how I feel. Also, as a teacher I need to be sure all my students are comfortable too. If I feel this way, I am sure others do too but they can’t really say anything or kids will make fun of them for being uptight. If one of them complained, I’d be called down to the office and asked to explain why I let this behavior continue and they would see me as a bad teacher. Could you guys change the topic? I want you to have fun and enjoy my class, but this really has to stop.”
Personalizing the behavior enables your students to understand how you feel. (Even if you have to exaggerate a bit about how you really feel.) Making a concrete example helps them understand the feelings of the situation so it will resonate with them. They will also know you care because you took the time to explain it and didn’t just yell at them and say “knock it off.” You may argue that this exchange will take too much time out of your class, but consider that this approach may stop this behavior immediately and prevent it from re-occurring. If you add up all your “knock it off” distractions, I think in the long term you will be saving time. Students who see you address these issues privately in the hall will feel more at ease that you care enough to explain things that you did not yell, that you remained calm, and that you can be trusted.
This takes practice but works for the behavior you really need to shut down before it can potentially escalate. Keep in mind too that if you don’t address some behaviors, like teasing, you can be in violation of Title 9 Federal Law.
More information HERE
This is a real balancing act and at first may seem to conflict with #8 (previous post) to be emotionally detached. If you address students as if they were people like yourself, it may be helpful in letting them sympathize with you and vise-versa. Ask yourself, how would you like to be spoken to? How would you like your supervisor to react to your mistakes or misunderstandings? How would you expect your colleague to approach you if they had a problem with something you did? By treating students with the same respect you demand of others, you will earn their respect and you will be giving them a living example to help form their own patterns of behavior.
If you go into teaching thinking that you are only here to teach your content area, you will be very frustrated and disappointed. Much of what teaching is, is modeling and teaching appropriate behavior. I am often still surprised by student behavior—like at a concert where students continue to chat while others are singing for them. They need to be told what one should and should not do at a concert/theatre. Sometimes you need to make connections for them. You can say, “This is like going to church or a movie, you need to remain quiet for the performer.” Additionally you should connect with their emotional side by adding something like “Imagine if you were on stage and worked for months to prepare for this presentation but people talked over you. How would that make you feel?”
This last part is where you will find the most effective use of communication to change behavior. Children are emotional people. They react often based on their feelings without considering the possible ramifications of that behavior. It’s also why we do not apply the death sentence to smaller children as they have less capacity to understand fully the consequences of their behavior. There is evidence that the human brain does not fully develop these abilities until the age of 25.
Understanding this lack of development can help you remain calm when these issues arise. It is simply the nature of children, not a willful negligence or ignorance. It should not surprise you that this behavior does not disappear after one incident. Appropriate behavior needs to be modeled again and again, and if the consequences or reactions to such behavior is consistent, learning takes place.
Let’s take the example of my student teacher “C.R.” Two boys in class were having an inappropriate conversation of a sexual nature. She rightly addressed it and told them to stop. She had to do so a few times and noted that the behavior was inappropriate.
My advice to her was to take the students into the hallway and personalize their behavior. I told her to say to them, “Guys, I know you’re just joking around, but when you speak like that it makes me feel uncomfortable as a woman. I am sure that was not what you meant to do, but it is how I feel. Also, as a teacher I need to be sure all my students are comfortable too. If I feel this way, I am sure others do too but they can’t really say anything or kids will make fun of them for being uptight. If one of them complained, I’d be called down to the office and asked to explain why I let this behavior continue and they would see me as a bad teacher. Could you guys change the topic? I want you to have fun and enjoy my class, but this really has to stop.”
Personalizing the behavior enables your students to understand how you feel. (Even if you have to exaggerate a bit about how you really feel.) Making a concrete example helps them understand the feelings of the situation so it will resonate with them. They will also know you care because you took the time to explain it and didn’t just yell at them and say “knock it off.” You may argue that this exchange will take too much time out of your class, but consider that this approach may stop this behavior immediately and prevent it from re-occurring. If you add up all your “knock it off” distractions, I think in the long term you will be saving time. Students who see you address these issues privately in the hall will feel more at ease that you care enough to explain things that you did not yell, that you remained calm, and that you can be trusted.
This takes practice but works for the behavior you really need to shut down before it can potentially escalate. Keep in mind too that if you don’t address some behaviors, like teasing, you can be in violation of Title 9 Federal Law.
More information HERE
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