Born Rich And Toxic: When admin and parents turn a blind eye...
Illustration based on my article by ChatGPT
When I was a student teacher, I made the “mistake” of writing a discipline referral for a student who threw a pair of scissors across the room. The problem? The student’s parent sat on the Board of Education. Unfortunately, this scenario isn’t rare.
Recently, a teacher posted in a Facebook group about a similar situation. The parents of a chronically disruptive student in their art class happened to be close friends of the school principal. The student lied repeatedly about their behavior, and the parents backed every word. Even when the student was openly rude, dishonest, or destructive in the art room, it was the teacher who was blamed—for “poor classroom management.”
What is a teacher supposed to do in a situation like this?
It’s unprofessional. It’s unfair. And yet—it happens.
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, and none of the options are easy. But there are strategies to protect your professionalism, your peace of mind, and—ideally—help the student.
1. Pass the Buck
Coddle the student, give passing grades, and hope the next teacher has better luck... But what if you are the next teacher? This may seem like self-preservation, but it often contributes to long-term harm—for the student, for your program, and for your sanity.
2. Consult Colleagues
Poll other staff to see who else teaches the same student. Perhaps there is room to “learn” new strategies for this particular child or come together as a group for the sake of the child.
3. Document Everything
Keep detailed, contemporaneous records of each incident:
Take photos of work samples and/or classroom damage. After any verbal exchange with parents or administrators, follow up with a professional email summary. (Remember, email is admissible in court.) This paper trail protects you and can be the basis for involving your school counselor, case manager, or union in developing a behavior plan or contract for the student.
4. The Direct (Yet Diplomatic) Call to Parents
You might consider a phone call like this:
“Mr. B, I find myself in a bit of a dilemma. I know you’re friends with my principal, and I want to be honest—my concern is for your son. I love my job and I want to support him, but we’ve been experiencing some challenges in class, specifically [insert clear, factual behavior]. When I’ve addressed it previously, I’ve received some pushback, which makes me hesitant to speak up. I’d truly appreciate your input. Are there any strategies that work at home that I could try in class? If you’d prefer I take a hands-off approach, I understand, but I want to do what’s best for your son and the classroom.”
This frames the conversation around care, not confrontation. It puts the onus back on the parent while offering them agency and dignity. No matter their response, document it and any outcomes.
5. Approach Administration—Cautiously
If necessary, bring your concerns to administration, ideally with union representation. This is a bold step and can come with risks, especially in a politically charged environment. But if the student's behavior is creating a safety issue or ongoing disruption, your documentation will support your position if things escalate.
There’s no perfect playbook when favoritism clouds accountability. But as professionals, we owe it to ourselves—and our students—to respond thoughtfully. Whether by documenting thoroughly, seeking support, or choosing diplomatic honesty, the key is to remain calm, consistent, and centered on student growth.
Even when the odds feel stacked, your integrity matters. So does your effort. Because even if the system fails… you didn’t.
If you are new to education and would like more advice, consider the classroom management tabs to the left on this blog page, or, if you have an Amazon account, you can read my eBook for free HERE or purchase a printed edition.
Recently, a teacher posted in a Facebook group about a similar situation. The parents of a chronically disruptive student in their art class happened to be close friends of the school principal. The student lied repeatedly about their behavior, and the parents backed every word. Even when the student was openly rude, dishonest, or destructive in the art room, it was the teacher who was blamed—for “poor classroom management.”
What is a teacher supposed to do in a situation like this?
It’s unprofessional. It’s unfair. And yet—it happens.
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, and none of the options are easy. But there are strategies to protect your professionalism, your peace of mind, and—ideally—help the student.
1. Pass the Buck
Coddle the student, give passing grades, and hope the next teacher has better luck... But what if you are the next teacher? This may seem like self-preservation, but it often contributes to long-term harm—for the student, for your program, and for your sanity.
2. Consult Colleagues
Poll other staff to see who else teaches the same student. Perhaps there is room to “learn” new strategies for this particular child or come together as a group for the sake of the child.
3. Document Everything
Keep detailed, contemporaneous records of each incident:
- Date and time
- Behavior description
- Student response
- Your actions
Take photos of work samples and/or classroom damage. After any verbal exchange with parents or administrators, follow up with a professional email summary. (Remember, email is admissible in court.) This paper trail protects you and can be the basis for involving your school counselor, case manager, or union in developing a behavior plan or contract for the student.
4. The Direct (Yet Diplomatic) Call to Parents
You might consider a phone call like this:
“Mr. B, I find myself in a bit of a dilemma. I know you’re friends with my principal, and I want to be honest—my concern is for your son. I love my job and I want to support him, but we’ve been experiencing some challenges in class, specifically [insert clear, factual behavior]. When I’ve addressed it previously, I’ve received some pushback, which makes me hesitant to speak up. I’d truly appreciate your input. Are there any strategies that work at home that I could try in class? If you’d prefer I take a hands-off approach, I understand, but I want to do what’s best for your son and the classroom.”
This frames the conversation around care, not confrontation. It puts the onus back on the parent while offering them agency and dignity. No matter their response, document it and any outcomes.
5. Approach Administration—Cautiously
If necessary, bring your concerns to administration, ideally with union representation. This is a bold step and can come with risks, especially in a politically charged environment. But if the student's behavior is creating a safety issue or ongoing disruption, your documentation will support your position if things escalate.
There’s no perfect playbook when favoritism clouds accountability. But as professionals, we owe it to ourselves—and our students—to respond thoughtfully. Whether by documenting thoroughly, seeking support, or choosing diplomatic honesty, the key is to remain calm, consistent, and centered on student growth.
Even when the odds feel stacked, your integrity matters. So does your effort. Because even if the system fails… you didn’t.
If you are new to education and would like more advice, consider the classroom management tabs to the left on this blog page, or, if you have an Amazon account, you can read my eBook for free HERE or purchase a printed edition.
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